What profession do you want your children to be?
Something respectable at the Ministry of Magic.
Something creative like a fashion designer or social media influencer.
An anesthesiologist like their mom.
Whatever makes them happy, but I wouldn’t mind a synchronized swimmer.
Morticians or gravediggers.
I wouldn’t mind a doctor or two.
Dr. President.
What’s something you’re likely to say to your kids?
“Alexis, don’t be ridiculous. That’s exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me wary of spending time with you.”
“Eddie, I could get by with only two sons. Think about that.”
“And our credo: Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. ‘We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.’ Not just pretty words.”
“How dare you steal that car! I am absolutely disgusted! … If you put another toe out of line, we’ll bring you straight home!”
“I can’t believe these dumb cops would think anyone would pay to sleep with you.”
“I went to Brown University. I went to USC Medical School. People know my name. I have a reputation to uphold. My kids go to college!”
Which profession appeals to you the most?
What sounds the most like something you would say?
“Not my daughter, you b****!”
“The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered, I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during Shakespeare at Sea Week.”
“Oh, Bobby! Now you listen to me. I would rather be married to a suspected cannibal with a dream, like you, than a soft-lipped guy who never had a dream in the first place.”
“Wednesday’s great-aunt Calpurnia. She was burned as a witch in 1706. They said she danced naked in the town square and enslaved the minister … But don’t worry. We’ve told Wednesday: college first.”
“She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I’d rather live with a lesbian than a cat. Unless the lesbian sheds, then I don’t know.”
“Breaking down barriers: equally important to money. But just so I’m clear, there is a salary increase, right?”
What's your approach to Santa?
We’re more into Halloween as a family.
There’s plenty of magic in the world for Father Christmas.
It’s important for your kids to have a good example so they know how to get you good gifts later in life.
It’s important to me that my children see Santa represent their cultural and racial heritage.
Lao Ban Santa in keeping with our cultural heritage.
Help the kids throw a “Nice-Capades” show to convince Santa they’ve been good this year.
Make the nanny dress up as Santa Claus.
Which of these do you most want to culture/foster?
What's your approach to budgeting and money?
If you and your spouse have a solid education and career, you shouldn’t have to budget.
I just ask my kids for what I need. I took care of them. Now they take care of me.
I enjoy being thrifty and get competitive about trying to save money.
What’s a budget?
Money’s tight but I try not to worry too much.
Money’s insignificant compared to things that matter like family, graveyards and torture.
Pick a best friend.
Pick an additional quote.
“I love showers and mornings and bologna and turtles and wine!”
“Parenting twins is a bit like balancing a lit stick of dynamite in one hand and a Big Gulp cup of gasoline in the other (while simultaneously trying to make dinner, pay bills, clean the house, take care of your other children, and maintain a marriage).”
“I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It’s just…I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.”
“Your sons flew an enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.”
“May you put your dentures in upside down and chew your head off.”
“You are blind to reality and for that I am most proud.”
“Why are Americans so obsessed with being friends with their children? I have no children friends.”
Describe your dream date.
Wine tasting.
A dark night in the cemetery with a bottle of ancient wine.
Doing taxes with my husband.
A flight to Paris on a private plane, a private trip to the Louvre and dinner at Le Cinq.
Romantic tea at Madam Puddifoot’s followed by a drink and bite at The Three Broomsticks.
I wouldn’t mind a weekend in Sicily with a good meal.
Honestly, any break from kids and responsibilities would be appreciated.
What boys’ names sound nice to you?
What girls’ name sounds nice to you?
What would you most like for Mother’s Day?
What do you do when you’re not busy being a mom?
Fight evil.
Watching the raccoon family in the alley behind my house.
I play the shamisen, enjoy gardening, cooking and witchcraft.
Performing with the Jazzagals.
Reading Stephen King.
Cook the best Italian food you’ll ever have in your life.
Being a full-time professional and mom doesn’t leave much free time.
How do you react when your children are threatened?
Honestly, I probably wouldn’t notice but I’m sure they’d be fine.
A Sicilian curse solves all problems.
Assess the threat rationally and respond with poise and intelligence.
I say something snarky about the person who upset them and then defend them with the fury of a rabid raccoon mom.
I provide them with the necessary weapons to defend themselves and smite their enemies.
I perform the killing curse.
Threaten to sue.
